As I said, Sam had left Brian at my Dads and Kates where he had inevitably fallen asleep in the lounge downstairs at such a late time of night. Sam was meant to be sleeping at home with Brian so I didn’t hear him wake and potentially cry, asking for me. He is only 2 and is still breastfed. On top of that we co-sleep. I didn’t know if I’d be able to stay away from him if he was calling for me. Also, I didn’t want to breastfeed until the next day in the evening, after expressing out the first lot of ‘hospital’ milk. However, it all worked out fine. Sam slept in teh lounge with Brian, who actually only woke once in the night at my Dads. I heard him call mummy a couple of time and Sam settled him in less than a minute. He didn’t even cry. I couldn’t believe he practically slept through the night with Sam. Never done that with me. Slightly jealous….only joking 😉

As the boys slept in the lounge peacefully, I was meant to be sleeping getting my owm peaceful rest upstairs, but just couldn’t. Not because I was in pain. No pain, not even labour, I don’t think could hurt as much as the week of pain I had to endure before self diagnosing. I think I couldn’t sleep because I still had a bunch of hospital drugs exiting out of my system. I was also buzzing with joy that I was alive and home. Well, at my Dad’s, but still practically home. In the wee hours of the morning, after sleeping from half past midnight until half past 2, I decided to see if my friend in Australia was about to chat on line on my phone. She was. So we spent a couple hours chatting via facebook. I only ended up sleeping from 5-7am!

What I haven’t yet mentioned is the pain in the right shoulder after key-hole surgery. The gases apparently get trapped under the diaphragm and have to work their way out. So they work their way up, then back down and out. Lots of foul smelling wind and bowel movements. Sorry to be so blunt, but there’s not really any other way of describing it. Sunday morning after my 2 hour sleep, I had such bad pain in my shoulder I thought they had somehow messed up in hospital and that this was acute shoulder tip pain that is associated with ectopic pregnancy and they had not taken the tube out correctly. I fidgeted around in bed, shoulder in pain until around 11am when my Dad and Kate served up a lush full english. I hadn’t let on to Brian that I was there until about 1045. I could hear him from about 8am chatting sweetly with Sam in his cute, adorable toddler voice that hasn’t yet fully mastered the English (or German – we are a bilingual family) language. Ahhh, bliss right there (if it wasn’t for the darned shoulder pain), hearing my men, knowing Inky was happy staying at my Mums, being alive, bedroom window open, looking out on tall trees and beautiful blue sky, cool air stroking my face. Breakfast went down better than the fish and chips the previous night, but I still wasn’t up to my usual eating capacity. In the 8 days leading up to surgery my appetite had gotten progressively less anyway, and the last 3/4 days before I hardly even ate because of the whole tummy ache/diarrhea thing.
The next day after surgery I was buzzing and happy to be alive. Then the next day, on the Monday morning, I became really overwhelmed by what had happened and broke down in tears in the morning. From then on I had 3 days of being up and down emotionally. Hormones I guess and post op lack of sleep. Since then I have been entirely fine emotionally, but am still healing physically. As a very active person always out with the kids, flitting from activity to activity, play date to playdate, I found it incredible how my body made me to slow down and rest. Lots of sofa days and films. Luckily Inky got taken to most of her usual activities by friends. Sam had the first week after the op off to help me, especially looking after Brian so I could get some rest.

IT HAS NOW BEEN 10 WEEKS TOMORROW – below are some bits I’d like to include and also to update you, the reader, about how I’m feeling physically and emotionally after just over 2 months….

For the first 2 weeks I had to take a lot of paracetamol to dim the pain! Even after my cesarean with Inky I had only taken them for a week, and don’t remember being in so much pain! However, after the cesarean I had with my still born son 15 years ago, I had mega pain for ages. I’m positive how we feel emotionally effects the pain we have….It took ages to be able to walk as far as I normally would. The first 2 weeks even walking around a supermarket I would get so weak. My right leg (the one on the side where the tube got removed) would start lagging behind a bit and I would proper slow down. Couldn’t have coffee for 2 weeks because I would get light headed and feel like I was going to faint or get a panic attack. My pubic bone felt like it had been hit with a sledge hammer. When looking in mirror could see bruising over my pubic area, as well as my right hip being surrounded with bruises! It was tender to touch. Its still slightly sore now after 10 weeks! I had severe bruising below my belly button, which went through every shade of blue, purple, green and yellow imaginable. It took 7 weeks to fully fade! As did the bruising around right hip bone, which went through these varying shades. After 1 week out of hospital Brian and I came down with flu or something which lasted for 7 weeks! Think being in hospital lowered my immune system so much I got very ill – I NEVER get ill! Brian was not able to breathe through his nose properly at night for weeks and was coughing. For several nights he had a temperature. He was waking around 5 or 6 (sometimes more ) a night for a feed and some nights I had to get up with him and sit on the sofa. When he’s ill he wants me, not Daddy. On top of that I started carrying him again around 6 weeks after surgery. One day I felt so well I carried him on a one and a half hour walk with Inky, my Mum and her dalmatian Shadow. It was a sunny day and Brian wasn’t up for walking but I had to get out. I totally over did it that day.



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